I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
