i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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