u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
