I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
