garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
high people should be assigned attendants
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
