I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
