his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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