i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
