Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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