for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My vagina just recognized that song.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
