Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
