The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
