AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize