I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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