Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
