I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
