remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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