we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
