You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
