Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
