thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize