I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
