you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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