I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We need to get me chipped asap
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
