Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
