If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
