Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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