He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
