As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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