i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
