you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
