i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
