Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
