haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
