New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
