she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
