She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
