her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
