let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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