Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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