I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
