Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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