I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
