I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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