I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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