u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
