Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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