I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
