my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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