It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
