Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
