just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
