saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
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The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
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State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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