is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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