I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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