the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
