she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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