My ATM looks so different sober.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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