I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
