wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
