so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
