already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
