I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
