sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
