Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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