Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
