You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
