I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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