why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
