We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
