You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
