I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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