ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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