i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
