i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
