so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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