apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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