i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You are a genius and a whore.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
